230830_W6 [Heartbreak]

As I am the second child among my siblings, I used to feel a sort of discrimination from my parents. As time went by, I’ve come to understand it could naturally happen even though they truly love me. As you can imagine, raising and giving equal attention to three daughters is undoubtedly challenging.

 

Anyway, for about 10 years during my adolescence, my sisters and I lived with my grandmother instead of my parents as they wanted us to study in Seoul for a better future. My grandmother was the one who truly understood my position and feelings as the second child. So, she always prioritized me over any other of my siblings when she prepared something or showed interest. When I look back on my whole life, thanks to her, I had a great upbringing without any lack of love and interest from my parents.

 

However, just like any teenager, I felt annoyed when she asked me about school life or gave me advice. I sometimes ignored her words, whether it was her asking me to have breakfast or tidy up my desk. At that time, I didn't notice she was getting older. In fact, she was absorbing all our teenage stress while her physical vitality waned.

 

One winter day, she slipped on ice and injured her back, marking the beginning of her deteriorating health. Long story short, she was hospitalized as she needed a person to take care of her all the time. And then after 2 years, she passed away.

 

This was my first encounter with heartbreak. I was bawling my eyes out on the last day of her funeral when I moved her coffin. It didn't feel real. Sometimes at night, I think of her and her warm smile. Then, I start having regrets for not fully appreciating her and miss her so much. But one consolation is that I did express my genuine feelings to her over the phone before her passing. My mother later told me that grandma was in tears.

 

Ever since her funeral, I’ve kept one lesson close: comfort and security often come from someone’s quiet sacrifice. So, it is important not to take any acts of kindness for granted. To mitigate future heartbreaks we need to express thanks to our loved ones while they’re still present in our lives.